Sunday, October 22, 2006

 

An Open Letter To Chris McKendry




Most of you know me as "Hammerin" Hank Goldberg, the man who gives out sage gambling advice every Sunday morning on ESPN. If you catch me on Sundays, then you also know my on-air partner, the beautiful and funny Chris McKendry. I have a confession to make: Chris, I love you.

Now those of you who watch already know this. You would have to be blind not to see that I am smitten for the lovely Chris. Sunday morning, when I was picking New England to cover the 6 against a Bills team which was 3-8 against the number in October against AFC East opponents, all I could think about was her in my arms. Seeing her beautiful smile was like me middling the Panthers early this week at +3.5 and then getting the Bengals at kick off at -2.5. Like that game, Chris, with you I just can't lose! My feelings for you are a “lock”-- sort of like Pittsburgh at home giving 3 points or less after a road win by 10 or more. They are 9-1 ATS in that situation, by the way.

If we were together, I know we would be happy. Just like the time I hit the superfecta at Aqueduct last year. What is it about you that intrigues me so? In many ways you remind me of Genuine Risk, the 1980 Derby Winner. That filly came out of nowhere to win the derby and steal America’s heart- sort of like how you have stolen mine. Genuine Risk, by the way, went off at 13-1 that day and was only the second filly to ever win the Derby; the first, of course, being the chestnut mare Regret in 1915. What an underrated little horse that was!

Don’t you get it , Chris? The over/under on my love for you is infinity, and I’ll be taking the over. If you have some vacation time, please get out of freezing Bristol and down to Miami ASAP and let‘s see where this thing goes. I thought we could take in some Jai Lai and then head over to Calder to catch the Graded Stakes they are running next week. If you can't make it until November, don't worry- Calder will be simulcasting the Breeders Cup.

So what do you say, Chris? I know in life there are risks. Like when I laid the points and took the Seahawks over Minnesota yesterday. But how was I supposed to know Matt Hasselbeck was going to get injured and screw up my pick? The point is that even though I lost, it was a solid bet. Like you, Chris.

And don't forget, they don't call me "Hammerin" Hank for nothing!

Oh yeah, one last thing. Take the Cowboys and the chalk Monday.

Sincerely,

Hank

Comments:
I once saw Hammerin' Hank at a jazz club on Lincoln Road in Miami with a tranny.
 
No way. Hank doesn't get down like that.
 
I wouldn't be surprised if you did see him with a tranny, the guy has to be one of the nastiest looking people on TV. His appearance exudes slime.

He's also a total idiot that can't admit when he's wrong. If you're into negative, hate-filled sports journalism, Hank is the man for you.

If you're in South Florida, take a listen to 790 The Ticket at the time "Stammerin" Hank is on. That is some quality radio right there, get your sports, entertainment, and a whole bunch of laughs. All wrapped up in a nice little package, sans bow.
 
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