Tuesday, October 24, 2006


The Marques Colston Travesty

To: "Big Ricks", Commissioner, Yahoo Deadspin AAA League


There is a problem in our league which demands your immediate attention. I had hoped that the issue would resolve itself and that this request would not be necessary. Unfortunately, the problem continues to fester and I fear there will be no resolution unless you act swiftly and decisively.

As you are undoubtedly aware, Marques Colston is presently designated as both a Wide Receiver and a Tight End in Yahoo fantasy football. This hybrid designation, frankly, is a farce and would be almost funny if it did not threaten the very integrity of our league.

Although I am not normally one to complain about the fairness or absurdity of a league's rules, I cannot turn a blind eye to this gross loophole any longer. Let me first state that I have no problem with Marques Colston as a human being. He is an excellent player and, as a rookie seventh round pick, has exceeded everyone's expectations. Nevertheless, even the casual follower of the NFL knows that Mr. Colston is a strictly, solely and inalterably, a wide receiver. Through no fault of his own, however, Mr. Colston has been given, essentially, an otherworldly power to play both Tight End and Wide Receiver in the same season.

That Mr. Colston has been labeleded a Tight End is baffling. This is not a close call. Mr. Colston is 6ft 4 and 231 pounds according to NFL.com. (Which lists his position as, naturally, wide receiver.) While perhaps taller than your average wideout, you can tell by his frame that Mr. Colston is not a Tight End. To give you some perspective, TE Jeremy Shockey is 6ft 4 and 251 pounds. I know Jeremy Shockey, I've seen Jeremy Shockey play. Marques Colston-- you are no Jeremy Shockey.

My repeated attempts to get an explanation for Mr. Colton's unique status have, so far, gone unanswered by the powers that be at Yahoo.com. My efforts frustrated, I now appeal to you, Big Ricks, as commissioner of our league, to put an end to this insanity and remove the Tight End label from Mr. Coltson's profile.

As commissioner of our league, you have the power, nay, the duty to settle the dispute and return Mr. Colston to his singular, proper position. I realize that when you signed up to be commissioner you probably did envision having to settle cutting-edge issues such as this one. With great power, however, comes great responsibility.

I had hoped it would not come to this formal complaint and I want you to know that I do not hold you primarily responsible for the bastardization of Mr. Colston. That dishonor, of course, goes to the GM of the team that is presently using Mr. Colston in his unearned fashion- the aptly named Summers Eve and the D-bags.

The D-bags have flagrantly taken full advantage of the glitch and played Mr. Colston at Tight End ever since he picked him up off the waiver wire. The effect of this is obvious. Tight End, as all fantasy players know, is a difficulticult position to fill. For example, I have been forced to use Bo Scafie and Marcus Pollard at this position with abysmal results while Summers Eve exploits the system with Marques Colston and his 414 yards receiving and 4 touchdowns. Yes, Mr. D-Bags, you may outscore your opponents, but at what cost? Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you no sense of decency?

The honorable and proper solution would be for you to forfeit all of the games in which you have played Mr. Colston as your Tight End. Since you lack honor, I know that is unlikely. Another solution that I would accept would be for you to simply waive Mr. Colston. Clearly, sir, you have lost the privilege of using this fine rookie for the remainder of the season. Or perhaps the rest of us could just be allowed to play our kickers at Tight End. Should you, or anyone else in the league, have other suggestions, please feel free to submit them.

I await your response.


Aka Mary Beth's Box

CC: Roger Goodell; Gene Upshaw; Marques Colston

I'm rich, bitch!

But seriously, though, my player research at positions like QB/WR/RB is pretty deep, but I generally don't think too hard about TE's. I believe I had Marcedes Lewis, who even sucked at sitting on the bench. I picked up the guy with the most points and best matchups for the next few weeks, which was Colston. It would sort of blow to lose him, as a lot of TE's have come and gone in the FA pool which I would have ultimately been playing without Mac at TE. Hell, I didn't even see any TE's on the market last week that looked worth picking up for Mac's bye week and I got creamed.

Not sure how we should go about this.
Stop your whinning you big fag! If he's listed at both tight end and wr then you should of done your research and picked Colston up like Summers Eve did and you would be racking up points from him
Posting rips anonymously is for fags. So is misspelling the word "whining."

Not to mention, you're wrong. Only one team can pick up Mr. Colston; as in real life, he cannot play for every team that claims him. Multiple claims were put in, and the team with the highest waiver position won.

And SE&tDB admittedly didn't do research. He went to the waiver wire, filtered it for tight ends, and sorted it by most points. Of course Colston was going to come out on top!
Let's not forget that not only did I get 15th pick out of 16, but that I've also only started my first round pick a grand total of 2-3 times.
It's about HW and taking chances. I drafted Colston higher because of the designation and the subsequent option. Last year, it was Chris Cooley. This year, Colston and the fellow from San Fran (don't even remember his name, but you can probably go and pick him up...probably available in 90+% of Yahoo leagues). I don't know much about football, but it worked with Cooley last year, so I tried again this year. I didn't put Cooley high in my draft because drafting 8th out of 8, I figured he would be scooped up. Colston was second choice because of Drew Brees versus an unproven San Fran offense (last year). Hey, Hey...lucked out, what can I say. Most people would call me fantasy stupid, but the fact this nugget turned out suddenly has people complaining. Get in line with your cheese (to go with all that whine) and try again next year. Afterall...it is about MANAGING your team.
I refused payment in my league because of this. I went back and did research on Colston at the begining of the year, and he was a WR his entire Senior year at Hofstra, didn't play his junior year, and did play some tight end his sophomore year. With this logic by Yahoo, you should be able to start Hines Ward at QB, Mike Vick at RB, and LeBron James as WR (I think you can port in your NBA Fantasy Stats).

...Also interesting to note that ESPN and CBS Sportsline does not allow him as a TE.
Oddly enough, the team in our Deadspin league with Colston has a losing record.

An similar incident involving Tom Waddle nearly destroyed my keeper league a decade ago. And now? Now our MVP trophy is the "Tom Waddle Award"

We're big geeks
I pulled either last or next to last place. Crime did not pay.
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