Wednesday, September 06, 2006


Tin Arm Anagrammatica's Matchup Of The Week

What better way to begin the season than with a great match-up this Thursday?

Even though Girl, there's no beer, B, is out for at least the first week after an emergency appendectomy, and their #1 receiver, Shined Raw, is ailing, Pittsburgh is ready to defend it's title in the Chill Bower of Steel Town.

When asked about the replacement QB, the only answer reporters got was "Ach, real bitch, that one." No one knew how Sean Connery got into the clubhouse, and he was soon removed from the premises.

But despite the lack of confidence at QB, Pittsburgh still boasts tons of versatility in its offensive playbook, as well as several players who will strike fear into the hearts of the opposition.

Pittsburgh's bruising second-year tight end, when asked about the team's reputation, simply responded "I ram the hell out of whoever gets in my way." Their young running back reinforced the moment by presenting a united front, saying "when it comes down to the wire, rape, kill, that's the way we play."

What weakness does the reigning champ have? As a matter of fact, the organization is a bit concerned with their rookie class.

Issues of maturity have surfaced, especially regarding rookie receiver Smoot'n in A-holes. The speedy receiver certainly has talent, considering his pedigree, but with his commitment to his night life and his womanizing rather than practice, expectations must be tempered, at least for this year.

The defense looks to be a strength though, with star guard Canaan Leaf returning, not to mention linebacker Romer J. Safari.

Wild haired Pam, You A Troll is always a threat to blitz, and will likely be responsible for several spectacular interceptions over the course of the year.

So while the team enters the season with its head held high, they are certainly not invulnerable. The Miami Dolphins look to exploit whatever weaknesses they can find.

The Dolphins have undergone key changes, especially at quarterback.

Starting quarterback Tupac P., Nude Leper, will look to make an impression early. After struggling early and dealing with a sex scandal, and then tearing multiple ligaments in his right knee last year, unless he loses a limb or three, there is nowhere to go but up for the veteran.

Support on the offensive side will come from receivers Crash Besmirch and Tom, Yak Rober. On a high note, Tom reported to camp in the best shape of his life, having spent the entire offseason in Upper Mongolia dressing his favorite long-haired bovines.

Cyclin' Ad Hammer provides steady hands at tight end for a good short range target, and will also serve as a buffer again the pass rush.

And running back Winner R. Noob might be untested, but he showed flashes of brilliance last year, and may be a Pro Bowler before the year is out.

Miami must worry about its special teams and defense though. Kicker In Real Doom is solid, but observers have noted that there is simply something ominous about him.

Worse, cornerback All New Ill isn't getting any younger, and might not be worth the money the Dolphins are giving him. He's certainly not getting along with his new teammates, as some have complained about his presence in the locker room.

All told, we're looking at two playoff contenders for sure, and as such, we're in for an intense showdown. Even though the cold likely won't be a factor, the fans will be. The Wet Rioter Bells will be brandished in multitudes, and may in fact be major players in determining the outcome of this tilt. No one likes damp hooligans, after all, and the sound of a few thousand of them being summoned to the stadium must ring like the brassy knell of doom to any opposing team.

Oh shit that was funny! Best post we've had yet, in my opinion. I didn't actually check all your anagrams, but I'll presume they are accurate. That picture of Martin Grammmmmaticca had me laughing before I even read one word.
I'm hoping all my anagrams are ok - I don't want Ben Roethlisberger's to be wrong - it kept coming out differently when I checked it.

There's probably a better one in there somewhere, actually, but I'm anagrammed out.
Maybe Im retarded but these names still crack me up a day later. Cyclin Ad Hammer? Tupac P. Nude Leper? How long did it take you to come up with this shit?
I'm glad you enjoyed them. Although I'm thinking I should just make Randy McMichael "Da Cyclin' Hammer."

It turns out a 2 hour plane ride can be pretty productive. I figured out most of the anagrams then, and set it to text last night.

Daunte Culpepper was actually the hardest one, since he has the words 'cunt' and 'pee' in his name, but once I made 'cunt' and 'pee', I couldn't make anything out of the rest.
Someone has submitted this for Deadspin, no?
Yeah I did.
Simply awesome, and yes deadspin did run that article...I like the picture I found of Dick Butkus
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