Thursday, September 14, 2006


NFC North Week 2: Electric Boogaloo

Welcome to this week's NFC North preview. Lots of intrigue this week-Can Brett Favre lead the team in both interceptions and tackles against the Saints? Will Mike Williams sport a cool brim watching the Lions play the Bears? Are there any places a Viking player won't fuck in? Let's get to the ugliness.

Fresh off their imaginary 45 point performance against Seattle, the Lions go on the road this week to take on the Chicago Bears. In an interesting sidenote to this game, Roy Williams has guaranteed a Lions victory. No word yet on if Williams has attempted to kiss the nearest sideline reporter. Vegas, however, isn't putting much stock in Roy's words and has them at 8.5 point dogs. In all fairness, the Lions gave the Seahawks a lot more than anyone expected and their rookie LB Ernie Sims could be a break out player if his egg shell skull doesn't break first.

The Bears, against Green Bay last week, looked solid on both sides of the ball. If Grossman can just be an average QB, then the Bears defense should get them the victory. Final score- Bears 20 Lions 10. Alternative Reality Score- Lions 55 Bears 3.

The most talented Packer team ever looks to get their first win against the New Orleans Saints this week in Lambeau. Brett Favre has reportedly asked new Comish Goddell for a "do over" with respect to last week's game against the Bears.

As of today, the Saints are two point favorites against the Pack. This game is an absolulte must-win for the Packers if they want to cling to the illusion that they can somehow manage a respectable season. Ahman Green provided a glimpse of hope last week for Packers fans, gaining over 100 yards on the ground. Forced to pick a winner here, I'd probably take the Packers. Something just doesn't feel right about them getting points at home against the Saints.

The Vikings got a surprise win on the road against the Skins and now play the Carolina Panthers in their home opener. The Metrodome is a tough place to play and I think Carolina will have their hands full. That thud you heard was the entire world jumping off the Panthers suddenly empty bandwagon.

Apparently, the Panthers' offensive game plan of "throw it to Steve Smith and watch him run for a TD" doesn't work well if Steve Smith isn't actually in the game. Still, the public likes Carolina as they are one point favorites. Fred Smoot, following D'Angelo Hall's lead, said that Smith was a "god damn fucking baby ass faggot punk-bitch who doesn't have the balls to take me on." Smith, however, has made it clear that pride and public humiliation are not what motivates him.

The Vikings are balanced, if not exactly explosive, on offense with Brad Johnson at the helm. Mike Vick, however, he ain't and the Panters vaunted front four should give him problems. The Vikings defense gets a boost this week when stairwell-fucker Dwight Smith returns to the lineup. I like the Vikings to win this game in a mild upset.


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