Friday, August 25, 2006


I'm A Selfish Bastard Who Only Writes About His Team

Boredom is a terrible condition. It leads to activities such as wasting time reloading Deadspin and penning commentary on the Yankees (at The Sporting Brews -- someone can add that to the sidebar if they want). This fantasy football writing thingymabobber is a great cure for boredom, especially considering I'm on assignment for the next two weeks. I'm supposed to be writing a 2,500 word article on the new car models for 2007, but why the hell would I write about that when I can comment on a fictional football league that's based on a real football league?

I'd just like to say that it hurt to take Manning with the sixth pick, but I couldn't pass on him. I play in a league with my brother every year, and for the past three he's taken Manning and stomped everyone. I guess I'm just trying to channel the essence of his fantasy football greatness.

However, it does bother me that my running back situation – and, as a result, my season – hinges in a significant way on Reggie Bush playing his way into the starting lineup or Deuce McCallister falling victim to a misfortune (three misfortunes, that's possible; seven misfortunes, there's an outside chance; but nine separate misfortunes? Ha! I'd like to see that!).

And, if that wasn't bad enough, my two backup running backs aren't exactly fantasy pedigrees. Tatum Bell, as of the last time I read fantasy news, isn't technically the starter in Denver. Some guy named Mike Bell has won Coach Teflon's heart and has been spotted behind the best running scheme in the NFL. Or second best, depending on how you view the Chiefs. Anyway, the logic behind this pick is that Mike Shannahan intentionally fucked with fantasy players across the nation by naming M. Bell his starter so early. I'm not biting, Mike, not for a second. Not with Tatum Bell on the roster.

And the other backup is none other than Kevan Barlow, recently acquired by the Jets. The logic: uh, he's going to start, and the Jets offensive line isn't as inept as last year. I mean, add Holley Mangold in at guard, and you've got an offensive line so gargantuan that only a black man could penetrate it.

Basically, what I'm saying is that if anyone wants to trade me an upper tier running back for Matt Leinart, now is the time. Because when he breaks out and is racking up the fantasy points on my bench, he'll be a little costlier. In the form of, say, YOUR SOUL. Either that, or a running back and a receiver. Or a defense. I think I'm going with a rotating defense anyway (not much faith in the consistency of New England in the regular season), so yeah, Leinart for a running back now, Leinart for a running back and a defense when he breaks out. Seems like a steal now, huh?

What you just read was a jumble of inane blabber. But you know what? It's not any worse than what you'll read from the Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fantasy “experts.”

Two killer posts. Reggie Bush is a real wildcard. I would be surprised if he got more than 8 TDs in his first year.
Awesome post even though I think bush will have more return yards than not....can I become a contributor...please

Orton's Drinkers
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